damsel nia'

2010-06-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

I feel pretty outdated actually. Friends are using tumblr, and im still sticking to blogspot. Im not a frequent user afterall. So does it make a difference if i stick to this or not?

Anyways...

its been alot that ive gone through eversince i last blogged. I have a part time job, new friends, going through my 2nd year blah3.

I have something that I would like to say...Not sure how i'll write, but i'll try...

"Over and over again, this phrase i say,
'this guy is cute, this guy is sweet.'

But eventually,
they all turn out to be jerks.

Over the past few months,
I found a friend.
It was unexpected.
I thought all that happen,
was like what others said.

As I thought it over, they're just rumours.
As I thought it over, it might not be what I thought it might be.

But damn!

Why were u so nice.
Why is there this gentleman in you which I don't see in others?

Cliche!
This guy is sweet, this guy is cute.
I don't want this to be a cliche.
I want this for real.

For real?
So what if I try to make it real.
Will it even last?

Long term.
I could move on easily.
But till when do I wanna try to find this long term.

Perhaps this feeling is just like a panadol.
It reliefs pain and headaches temporarily.
This feeling wont help in the long run,
perhaps, just for a moment.

But, when we look back after all that has happened.
We wont remember panadol has relieved us from the pain and headaches,
but will we remember this feeling that has once gave us the feeling of fantasy?

I don't know..."

nia'

2010-04-18T19:58:00.000+08:00

Everyone have thoughts. Unexpected thoughts, deep thoughts etc. To express it, perhaps it's fine but sometimes it's just too much. Some thoughts perhaps are fine as they have answers to them but some they don't. So when we know there's no answer to why, why do we still bother to ask someone about such questions? Well, I do ask such unanswerable questions sometimes, i guess it'll just frustrates people sometimes or just give them the wrong idea about something...

oh well...im lost for now..

nia'

my thoughts..

2010-03-19T15:52:00.002+08:00

hello manusia semua =D
honestly I don't have any idea what to blog about in here. My feelings and emotions are all typed in my handphone. Because its always there beside me when im feeling down or sideways hahah..sideways ehk? merepek je.

Anyways,I've met few of different guys lately. Just wanted to understand how different each individuals are. From the way they think, the way they protray themself and etc. Being a growing girl, struggling to be a lady, i have my criterias to be in a serious relationship. The guy should have the intelligence, goal in life and just mature when they need to be. I wont deny looks play apart. They have to be cute. okay cute. haha. It's hard to get that all in one person.

Intelligence. Some,they might be smart academically but to live as a human, theyre just not smart enough. Not saying i am. It's just that, the way they think totally contradicts theyre personality. But im sure there are guys out there who has that intelligence that im looking for...

Goal in life. Without these goals, without the serious thoughts on why we are living in this world and how we can make it happen, we gonna be aimless. My theory of this is, if the guy has a goal in life, it means a part of them is aware that life as a human on earth is not easy at all.

Mature when they need to be? well its all up to u babes. How would u wanna define it? it's up to u. And i say age matters.in a way... If ur not having a prepared mind of having a partner who is way older or in a different phase of life, it could be tough for the couple and it might just nt work out that smoothly. Having a prepared mind or at least an open mind, we are able to accept the things that we've not understood before. All it takes is faith and risk.

Well, others might have different opinions with what I wrote. But hey. These are my criterias in a guy and thats just how i explain it.

And oh, i got to this one guy, hes gt all the ticks in my list. He's just simply unforgettable. It's like when hes in my mind, theyre will be no one else in my mind except him. cool huh. but then again the twine is still entangled..........=/

actually, i dun really quite understand the purpose of this post..weird..

nia'

gonner.

2009-12-26T12:38:00.001+08:00

heys bloggie.

It's been quite awhile since im inspired to write a post for my blog.
My holidays have been pretty boring. So much for me dragging my days thru sch just for the holidays. damn.
Im suppose to go kl for the hols, but sis my sister from kl is here, so i guess the plan is cancelled.

And oh, i have this awkward feeling abt tarian. when i skipped my practises, i keep dreaming of my teacher scolding me. Gosh.

I should be happy that my sis and her fam is here. I mean yea,her kids love u, hug u when u get back and wanna sleep with and stuff. That shows how much they love u. But there is one thing that is bothering me, they are pampered with facebook games. I think im just being selfish, "kedekut".
The fact is i am kedekut. I dont like to share my stuff. Its an honour if i share my stuff with u okay.

You guys wanna know sumtin? Ive always wanted to make this blog special, but i think its pretty crappy already. I wanted this blog to be full of poetic words or expressed my thoughts in those poetic words. Not only abt love but in general. The simple things that we see. Writing an article isnt a bad idea too yea?

I still got lots to learn on how to write all this.
wonder who even reads this thing..-.-"

and this blogger seems to lacking in something, i dont quite know how to put fotos. where are the buttons? sheesh

nia'

sweet?

2009-12-20T22:11:00.001+08:00

i read this somewhere...

"If my girfriend a decade younger, I'll have to behave like a teen sometimes. And she has to act ten years older sometimes..That, will only be fair..."

I find it sweet when i first read it =)

nia'

eyecandy;

2009-11-13T19:24:00.003+08:00

Dear eyecandy,

you were so sweet in the eyes of many,
yet, you just went on being yourself as normally.

your smart and intelligent.
your fit and admirable.
you just had to pass by and be my eyecandy.

so much that you're my eyecandy,
it's so much that i hate it if u have an eyecandy.

is she your eyecandy my dear eyecandy?

awww.......=(

cemburu tk terkata tauuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

nia'

2009-10-14T22:32:00.002+08:00

its just not my forte i guess...

tiada jiwa tari dalam diri yang keliru ini.

nia'

2009-09-19T10:24:00.002+08:00

Berita terkini dari bilik siti nur ain:

Selamat pagi. Saya ingin mengucapkan tahniah kepada diri saya kerana saya sudah master the skill to anyam ketupat bawang setelah bertahun tahun practise. Walaupun setahun sekali beraya, menganyam ketupat dengan masa yang pendek bukanklah senang. It takes perserverance and the efforts to remember. HAHA!!

This achievement has made me slightly excited to sambut raya..cuz seriously i have no idea why i macam tkde semangat gitu nak raya. Mungkin kerana i miss the times when we were all still in under one roof. Time really has flown fast. Dah i think 5 years my kakak and abang kahwin. A new addition to the family again this year. insya allah. Jadi makcik lagi la aku ni. 8 anak sedares when im turning 17. I feel so young and it has somewhat given me the power to feel slightly mature haha..wth..

hmm okay la..sampai di sini saje..
tata...XP

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Berbelit-belit menganyam ketupat,
ain sampai bingung melihat.
Mengucapkan selamat hari raya tak kire tempat,
aku mohon ampun maaf sekirenye kita tidak sempat...=)

nia'

2009-09-17T09:38:00.005+08:00

kesiangan pagi pembuka hari,
keindahan alam,menyegarkan lagi.
kakak ipar aku datang pagi2(ada apa seh dtg pagi2),
tup tup..eh aku dapat present from body shop la sehhhh!

haha get the flow? baca dengan irama berpuisi yer yang aku tulis di atas tu.

oh anyways.
I just wanna say. Growing up is very tiring. Now i understand why those adults were hoping they were younger and schooling. Now i understand why tertiary students were hoping they're still in secondary school.

But hey, look on the bright sight. Im sure we creatures are made meant for something right? Everything definitely has to have a cycle. Easy or tough. We will still live it till the end for a goal..Maybe a goal..maybe for the sake of it?

Have we ever wondered why humans are made this way? with different faces and ways
? why we are made into females and males? Why we have certain parts in our body that makes us? Why we have 2sides of a brain? Why we are made to live on this planet, in this world? How come there are such things like trees and animals? Dont think dirty alright people. Im just saying this is how magical and beautiful a god's creation is. Everything is there for a purpose. Like we need trees to control temperature, to give us the oxygen that we need. So on and so forth. So what im trying to convey here is be thankful that we have certain things that what others doesn't have. I wont deny that being a teenager from an average family has made me forget that I have enough for what an average family has to have. Im not saying we cant work harder to enjoy a better life, we could, but it wont come easy...

Anyways today is the last few days of ramadan which means a few more days to syawal!
I cant really state how many days, cuz I really dont know how should i count the numbers on the calender. You know wat i mean kan...

Alhamdulillah, we are blessed to be able to go through ramadan again and insya allah syawal. So, rakan2 semua...make the best of it yer..

And hey!
my birthday this 25th tau..25 september 2009
I think birthdays are not going to be of a big deal to me soon. Becauseeeee for this year and the coming 2 years, my birthdays are going to be on a school holiday, semester break..But tidak mengapa, at least I myself know that I am growing year by year and I should know that what kiddy side of me that I have to change. Though certain things are maybe impossible to be done.

Okay la..im done writing for now.
tata

nia'

2009-09-13T20:08:00.003+08:00

Diri kini hanya mampu bermuram durja.
Terasa raut wajah bengis sangat.
Mungkin benar katanya.

Sudah durja kelihatan arogan,
berlebih la lagi arogannya bila hati kian panas membara...

It's a risk to take. It's an uncertainty to break
nia'

2009-09-07T14:07:00.002+08:00

Bila melihat yang lain berpacaran, diri dibelenggu rasa cemburu.
Tapi bila diri sudah dipikat seseorang, hati pula teragu-ragu.

Apakah keihlasan hati diri tidak sekuat mana?
Ataupun memang saja bukan masanya?

nia'

2009-07-10T11:28:00.004+08:00

Tutur kata dan adat kesopanan.
Dimanakah ia terletakknya pada diri kita di zaman kini?

nia'

2009-07-03T13:14:00.003+08:00

Beberapa hari lepas, aku berdiri di pinggir tingkap sambil menjamah pisang goreng yang lagi hangat. Sedang aku di situ, aku terlihat seorang nenek dikerusi roda dan atok yang sedang menemani dan menolak kerusi roda nenek itu di tingkat bawah.
Walaupun kedua-duanya sudah tua bertongkat dan kaki yang tidak sepantas anak dara, berjalan untuk mengambil udara dan melihat sekitaran bukan penghalang mereka. Yang paling aku rasa tersentuah ialah apabila nenek di kerusi roda bercakap sesuatu dan si atok membongkok ke paras nenek itu dan mendengar apa yang ingin si isteri ingin membicarakan. Terdengar pula aku suara si atuk dari tingkat atas tetapi tidak jelas. Agak malas suara nya tetapi aku pasti, jawapan itu mesti dengan sepenuh hati.

Satu kata yang terlintas fikiran ku. Cinta. Cinta yang dijalin kan hingga ke tua. Tidak kira sakit atau sihat. Tidak kira sioman atau gila. Tidak kira umur atau darjat. Cinta sejati yang tiada batasannya. Inikah cinta yang remaja-remaja sekarang katakan cinta sejati? Bila tidak puas hati merajuk. Sayang sana sayang sini siang malam. Pasangan cacat sikit ditinggal. Minta putus apabila diri cemburu buta dengan si pasangan. Mencinta kerana makna yang bukan cinta. Putus hungungan bila sudah bosan. Apakah ini erti cinta sejati untuk kamu wahai Remaja sekalian?

Mungkin ada di antara kita yang datang dari keluarga yang berpecah berai. Cinta yang di perhatikan kurang jelas ertinya. Cinta mungkin tidak ada makna atau pun cinta itu bukan la selamanya dimata kalian. Tapi jelas, perasaan cinta walaupun marah tidak akan dapat awak larikan. Kerana melihat yang dewasa gagal dalam percintaan, tidak semestinya kita harus percaya bahwa cinta bukan segalanya, cinta bukan selamanya. Jikalau pasangan yang masih kekal arus hingga ke tua seperti nenek dan atuk tadi, apakah ia benar, cinta tidak boleh diteruskan hingga ke akhir hayat? Apakah kita ingin melihat anak-anak kita lalui apa yang telah kita alami yang amat melukakan.

renungkanlah..........

2009-06-20T21:11:00.002+08:00

harapan ku yang selama ini mengunung telah musnah dilanggar kepalsuan nyata.
itu tidak aku nafikan lagi.

nia'

The purpose of calling someone.

2009-06-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

It is understood that when you call a person, it means that you want to ask that someone questions or maybe just talk. But little did that certain people understand that communication can also have certain barriers which blocks or filters a persons interpretation or understanding towards the message.

One example is telephone. Specifically handphone. Handphones can be very "pekak" at times whereby the connection can be really sucky if ur in certain places which are enclosed or maybe the place ur in is just not anywhere to be connected easily. Anyway my point is, if u call a person to talk or to ask questions, it means that you should say, "eh i cant hear you) or (eh are you there?) if u can't hear that person replying you. Yes it may be due to emotion factors example crying or just feeling down or something. But the stupidest thing someone would ever do is to assume that person is actually not answering you but the fact is she did.

You are smart and intelligent academically, but why is it that your so emotinally disturbed all the time? Assuming what others might think can be very unhealthy at times. If you are assuming something, and that assumtion was wrong, it is ur own risk of making the relationship/friendship/situation or whatever get tension or make urself feel down and stressed up.

So I would like to conclude this post by saying, never assume if you do not have real cues. But cues can also be misinterpreted. So, the best thing is to assume only is the case is beneficial. If you assume about something that could create a conflict for example hard feelings or anything, it'll be pointless. You'll get depressed over nuts. And always understand and remember that, there is such thing as interpersonal communication barriers.

nia'

2009-06-13T10:40:00.002+08:00

Apakah kau akan kembali seperti dulu?
Seperti dulu ketika kau selalu sibuk hingga lupa akan cintamu.

Adakah aku hanya sebagai dinding sandaran kamu?

Apakah benar kau cintakan aku?

Apakah benar kau ingin bersamaku?

Apa aku selalu membebankan mu?

Apakah kau benar, tahu isi yang tersirat di hati ini?
Apa yang membenak di dada ini?

Apakah kau tahu aku rasa di tipu, diperdaya...?
Dan terus tenggelam dalam laut penipuan mu?

Apakah benar aku ditipu...?
Aku tidak tahu...
Buktikan kepada aku bahwa kau tidak ada niat menipu.
Tunjuk kan aku yang kau bukan seperti dahulu..
Dan apa kau katakan kepadaku, apa semua itu yang kamu ucapkan kepada ku itu adalah benar...

supaya aku tidak lagi dibelenggu perasaan yang tidak aku dugakan..

nia'

2009-06-12T09:36:00.003+08:00

olalalaaaaaaa readers. Its sunny Friday today. I have an unsound voice, and a pair of robotic legs(muscle aches). Well, this is an unplanned post. Just feel like cleaning the cobwebs of this blog.

Anyways, i have a random dream this morning. I dreamt of touching a guy's 8pax.l Its like hotness!! This is a very random dream I tell you. And I have no idea who the heck the guy is. But thats all that i dreamt about nothing more. HAHA! macam stupid gitu.

So an update of myself. Currently waiting for many things to happen. I am patiently waiting, eventhough i can get aggressive, but that doesnt mean that i being impatient, but just wanna make things go faster. =) HAha, might as well say im impatient. But hey, im patient enough to tolerate certain peoples crap they give me. All it takes is a SMART GIRL'S POWER. Well im not going to whine about what had made me say that la. Its pointless.

So, am currently busy with mly dance practises, dunno can get thru or not. And currenly having my hols. Will be starting school again on monday. Holey monday. I dont really look forward to it. All I can say is my class has a spirit of "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" What has happen to the class!!!!! Tensions here and there, wats up with you guys? Do you have some kind of socialising problems with people whom arent your type? Get a breather...

nia'

2009-06-01T09:23:00.002+08:00

Kasih sayang dan perhatian. Itu saja yang aku inginkan.
Terlalu banyak dipikul, hingga bergenak dihati.
Hasilnya, hanya airmata yang berlinangan.

Seorang pemarah, ia itu aku.
Seorang pemalas, ia itu juga aku.
Bila digabungkan, serorang yang lebih penyabar tersemat dalam diriku.

to be continued...

2009-04-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

IM BACK! sekian lama menghilang, i am back again. hahha!
Started my poly life 4 days ago. well today is my 5th day. My only comment about school is.. "as days got by, it went better.."

okay shall end it here then..

tata

nia'

this is so like me.

2009-03-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

tiada maaf bagi si dia.

2009-03-04T23:32:00.005+08:00

kau berlutut,
menggengam erat tanganku.
kau memohon maaf atas kesilapan mu.
semestinya aku insan biasa yang bergelar wanita,
sudah pasti hatiku akan berlembut juga.
tapi sayang.
aku tetap pada perinsip ku.
kau telah menghancur,
meramuk hati ini,
semestinya aku tidak mahu menerima mu kembali.
kerna kau telah mensia-siakan peluang untuk berubah sikap kamu,
berubah cara2 kamu.
tiada lagi kepercayaan yang dapat ku berikan kepadamu.
kerana semua gerak kesilapan mu,
bantal penipuanmu terhadapku,
telah ku ketahui.

abaikan saja niat mu wahai kasih.
kerna aku pasti tidak akan ada ruang di hati kecil ini untuk menerima orang seperti kamu.
kamu bukan siapa2 lagi di gambar hidup ku.
(fiction story)

nia'

i have a confession to make.

2009-02-20T20:02:00.002+08:00

i currently like someone. XD

someone someone.

oh he noes who he is..
i know you people dont!

haha!!

nia'

one stupid thing i did today.

2009-02-20T18:08:00.004+08:00

okay one stupid and stupid thing i did today was to met a chatter. well usually i want to meet them cuz i cn see they r gd people and ive known them for a very long period...like mr zaha,mr faris and yea mr hairie!!..but some i can only chat with them and i dont wanna meet them. or dun wanna chat or see them at all..anyways i met with this one chatter just now just to find outs hes a mat. with him he brought his lil bro along. i guess e kid is ard 4yrs old. and this guy is my age..looks cute n nice on webcam..and when i met him, hes a mat! hes a damn bloody MAT! n he didnt say he was bringin me to meet his members..i was what the!!! i pity e small boy la..hes so young, yet all he get from surroundings arent good influences. i can see that e lil boy is a very strong boy. one example, he bumped on to a wall while walking..but he just kept cool and i guess holding on to e pain, e brother on e other hand just laughed.. i mean r u inhuman?! yea i cn see he likes playing with his lil brother but hello! getting bumped onto a wall is not a good thing for a kid. eventhough hes already 4..but u shud feel that they r fragile..wat if e bang spoilts his brain? or hes gone haywire?! omg..anyways..he told me to wait for him, as he wanted to bring his lil brother to the barber. i wanted to follow, but i reallised that place was surrounded by MATS! so, i went to one corner, sat down and think and i ran away. created some excuse abt home and then i got my way out of yishun!! gosh! seriously, that area of yishun is like clustered with mats and minahs.

all in all..i will treat this as a life experience and to take note of the thoughts i usually have in mind if i wanna meet someone or get to know someone. but i really hope that, that lil boy, wont grow up like his brother. if i had the chance to take him as my lil brother, i would. i would take care of him and nurture him and prepare him for a better future with good influences. hmm, i felt bad not saying goodbye to tat lil boy before i go. cuz he was so nice to me! haha a 4yr old boy, being nice n not shy to me. its either hes gatal or im just nice gal haha..okay..i'll pray u have a better good influenced life okay lil boy..=)

nia'

a couple of things i would like to do to kill this heartache caused by home.

2009-02-18T19:00:00.003+08:00

1. i wanna buy coach/plane tickets to KL ALONE to my sister's home.
2. i wanna indulge myself with food from cheapstuff to expensive ones.
3. i wanna overdose myself with songs.
4. just scream my lungs outs.
5. kick some ass and rob them.
6. throw away my nail polish.
7. work so i can have fulus in my pocket.
8. have a fat cat to play with and not to take care off it.
9. just wanna have my room and burn evrything in e living rm.
10. start school fast.

nia'

2009-02-17T14:30:00.000+08:00

im bored.

nia'

One of my days before tertiary school begins.

2009-02-05T16:09:00.009+08:00

hola readers. im sure u're wondering why im not updating my blog eventhough im not working this holiday or blah3. basically im just too lazy. theres nothing for me to blog about actually. haha. anyways this morning i had to babysit my 3yr old niece. ya raihanah. the lil rascal. haha lil rascal pun i took care of her okay. i fed her, i bathe her, i clean her poop -,-"..my first time cleaning her u know. she saw my expression mcm kekok gitu and she went on laughing..haha notty girl. oh ya when my parents are finally home, i lied to her that pocoyo is on tv now just so that i can run to my room, lock the door and have my own time in my room taking pictures and blog this..hahah! im mean i knowww XD !
pictures of me and my lil orange friend =)

nia'

cinta yang tak bertempat.

2009-01-26T20:49:00.003+08:00

seletah berbulan-bulan jiwaku bercuti dari mencintai seseorang jejaka idaman,
kini jiwaku disentuh lagi.
oh..aku silap,
ia sebenarnya tersentuh.
walaupun di depan nama kita hanyalah kawan,
tetapi mengapa caramu membuatku terlayu,
tertawan..
senyuman mu,
gurauan mu..
mengapa aku rasa sebegini..
sedangkan aku tahu..
ia tidak seperti yang aku fikirkan..
sememangnya aku tahu bahawa ini bukan lah cinta kita..
aku tidak akan sekali ingin menarik perhatian mu.

sesaat ku membenci kamu,
sesaat lagi aku rasa aku memerlukan mu...

haiz...

to be continued...

2009-01-21T10:07:00.003+08:00

hey my very few readers. ah okay i m finally posting an update about myself. well i have a few drafts before this actually. but,i thought it was crap as i wasnt inspired when writing eventhough its about my results and all. but oh well im gonna write it now.

last monday was my olevel results cum chicken pox day.
so ya.before i went to school to collect my results, i realised i have spots on me. and i was pretty sure it was chicken pox. and true enough it was. so i went to e Jane n Lee family clinic to get it checked and get my expensive medication. an hr or 2 after that i went to school. hahahahhahaaha! i went to school to spread some "love". im being mean.yea i know. anyways on that day, i didnt plan to tell any of my frens. but i still have to cuz firstly im being mean. secondly farah always ask me out so ya. anyways, on tat day half and hr b4 results farahD came to my place. and in my head i was like oh okay hmmm...and then she came..as usual sitting infront of my lappy table. and i was keeping all my medication stuff and she said " ain wats tat?" n i went "nothing...." and she went again "ain whats tat spot?" and i went " have u gt chicken pox b4?" and she screamed.." ain sial ah kau!" and blah3 she went on n on n on hahahahhha...n my point is..who would like actually ask their frens abt spots. the spot was like a mosquitoe bite! ahhaha...nobody will ask u aif thats a mosquitoe bite rite.haaha but anyways good la she pointed it out so at least i wouldnt have to lie.ahhaha!
But, thank goodness. All my expensice medication didnt went to waste..all my itchy moments, my can swallow sampai tknk swallow pills lagi moments tak sia2 saje i went thru all it becauseeee, im recovered nw. i recovered in 10days!! yey me!!huhuuu!!!

oh ya my abt my results..im sure all u guys my very few readers noe abt it..and i was happy of it because of the fact that i did well for those i didnt expect it to be..so ya...i gt 3Bs, 2Cs, 1D, 1E..one ugly E which is my humanities.gosh..omg! well anyways...registration time is over..so im just waiting for e schol results..all i can say is that e courses ive choosen are sci n technology based yea..deres a werd engineering behing every course..so ya..hmm no biggy..

anywaysssss...i gonna enjoy myself this saturday..cuz im having a family BBq..anyone wanna come..silakan...we welcome all people.

ok before i start talking no sense..i shall say tata ferst..

tata!

nia'

a new year marks a new chapter.

2009-01-01T01:55:00.004+08:00

A new year marks a new chapter. And i've yet to write my start. Usually i would have my new year resolution done up. But now, its still left unwritten. i will be getting my results soon and hopefully i will be fine when i receive it. i really hope the results will bring me to greater heights. No matter what it is. I will persevere and never bring down the name of malay community..sheesh now i sound pathetic..

well anyways..sis n her fam came frm KL this morning..all my siblings came home la..but its not yet a reunion. the worst thing is, i messed up my nieces n nephews name. i feel so old..

and so, ive changed my url.
well i dont really want to update much here.
because i cant bothered updating..haha..for me express myself and for those i giv url to read only..

nia'

this is what i think.

2008-12-19T14:00:00.000+08:00

when love is blind, its either the not well done guy or girl will be lucky because their partner might be someone who worths more.

nia'

2008-12-15T09:40:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, i came out with this...

"jangkalah apa yang tidak disangka"

and today, i finally realise what it means in english..

"predict the unpredicted"

the thing is, this is how slow my brain could think during this long holiday.

nia'

halfway thru my december.

2008-12-13T20:23:00.002+08:00

yea man..got back frm labis johor a few days ago for hari raya haji. bought a cow there for a sacrifice. hmm..the sup kaki lembu my mum made dere was yummy..ferst time i enjoyed eating it u know..sheesh!
i learnt hw to play indian n chi five stone, taught by a small girl. sheesh i ought to feel ashame cuz i even lost to her hahha.
well anyways, this recent visit was a wonderful visit. though, my raya morning was all about going to the toilet back and forth for upteen times squating..gosh..imagine that...my tummy was damn sick la..blame it for being too sensative. but of well, i still enjoyed my stay eventhough i missed my home toilet very much. the blue toilet bowl especially.nice shiny blue toilet bowl. hehehehhe!!
and i tried mee bandung muar..it was nice eventhough there were many lalats invading e food. cuz e gravy was made from prawn...hmmm yumm..then it was home sweet home..a pleasant journey though..hahah i was noisy frm e kampung till singapore, trying keep everyone awake..hahah..my dad sampai makan kuaci cuz tknk tdo..yela if we were to sleep nanti my bro the driver jealous.haha..esp me..i enjoy my sleeps.hahha

ah, i just came back frm kranji beach...went to get kupang...two pails full man..
me n parents were like halfway to JB already..haha..i finally mastered the skill to find big kupangs! and am proud that i have cuts on my feets and fingers..hahah..sheesh..and hell yea it hurts nw..but i dun realli mind...cuz it was a gd experience..my parents actualli didnt wanna get up...kalau boleh, they wanna sit there n find more kupangs cuz it was damn obvious and tempting.hahah..i ended up going back to e top with a pail full of kupangs at my own will..haha..malas la...dah magrib pn..anyways tmr we're going pasir ris, not sure wat my parents wanna find dere..i nnoe its seafood...not fish, not crab but sumting else..
i love my parents, its like ive learnt so much..frm different type of gd food, exotic sweet fruits and hunting for seafood..ive realised hw much myself now has inherited from my parents..of cuz la duh!! but i only realise it now..yada yada yada..ive been thru alot actualli..my life shudent be boring..the fact is..it is actualli full of stuff..its just tat i didnt bring myself up to do it..soon..im gonna start cooking..wanna master the skills of cooking frm my mum..seriously man...if not when sia...

and am actually quite depressed the fact is i yearn for a guys love.
however, i dont wanna have any close contacts with guys.
most of them that i know now are just pain in the ass..not heart but ass..
thank god,
i only open my heart to know more about guys..
and not just stick to one...

"its useless to know that you like me"

nia'

teman sepermainan ku.

2008-11-30T14:40:00.003+08:00

suatu ketika dahulu,
aku mempunyai seorang teman.
teman sepermainan.
dimana ada dia, disitu lah aku.
kita bermain dari pagi hingga senja.
kita bagai adik dan abang.

"knock knock!"
"ainul ada?"

itulah yang sering aku katakan bila di depan rumahnya.
rumah kami tidak jauh.
aku di tingkat tiga,
dia di tingkat dua.

pejam kelip pejam kelip,
kami pun sudah bersekolah.
hubungan kami tidak seakrab seperti dahulu.
dan lama kelamaan kami hubungan kami terdiam begitu saja.
apalah nasib,
kami semua sudah bepindah.
hanya gambar menjadi teman.

mujur la nenek dia kawan rapat mak aku.
oh begitu indah bila kami dapat berjumpa lagi tadi.
terasa rindu sangat.

raut wajah mu tidak berubah.
tetapi,
semakin tinggi dan kacak nampaknya.

indah,
sungguh indah.

aku harap,
di masa yang akan datang,
kami akan bersua pula.

aku di sini, akan setia menanti..
sebagai teman yang pernah singgah di hidupmu....

nia'

2008-11-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

detikan waktu semakin rancak.
waktu untuk berjumpa dengan saudara dan keluarga di seberang tambak semakin dekat.
ghairah sungguh ghairah.
bosan juga tidak terkata.

tetapi walaupun aku gembira dapat berjumpa dengan mereka,
aku tahu mereka akan lebih sedih melihat kami pergi pulang.
terutama sekali,keluargaku yang paling terdekat.
aku turut simpati dgn keadaan mu kak.
aku dapat bayangkan kehidupan kamu di sana..
aku tahu kau siksa.
kerana tiada orang yang dapat kau panggil keluarga selain keluarga yang kamu telah membina sendiri,
kerana kau tidak bersama kami si sini, keluargamu yg tercinta.
aku dapat bayangkan kehidupan yang mewah yang kau dapat kecapi seandainya kau masih di sini jika kamu tidak ke sana.

memang amat aku turut simpati.
aku sedih, kerana kebahagiaan ku tidak dapat kau rasai. aku tidak dapat kongsi kebahagiaan ini bersama mu..
walaupun kau jauh dimata..kau akan tetap selalu dekat dihati.

kehidupan oh kehidupan.
aku yakin disebalik semua ini,
ada hikmahnya.

nia'

2008-11-21T23:11:00.002+08:00

21st november 2008.
canberra's npcc farewell night.
and so here it goes...

as this has been a tradition in canberra's npcc unit, farewell night was much dedicated to graduating batch and also it is for us the graduating batch to show how thankful we are to those whom hav groomed us from a private to a staff sergeant and station inspectors, to those whom have taught values which we can learn and make use as a cadet or a leader in a team..as an individual when we are alone. despite the punishments, the tough training, hours to hours..all sweats and hardship..we go through it all together as a squad. well, i cant deny my squad starts to bloom only when we are almost reaching e end .(inside story). and i know, though ive always been attending trainings, i wasnt really active mentally. i wasnt really confident to lead a team. however, it has obviously thought me to be confident as an individual in my social life. and honestly, i dont regret joining npcc as it has taught me much skills and value that could be put to use even after ive passed out as a cadet.
again, as it is a tradition, after performances n dinner, e graduating batch will do their last march together. girls, all dressed with heels and guys, all groomed with pants on hips or shud i say butts. we ran to e parade square to have our last march together. we all knew what was to come. wonderfully, ive enjoyed it much. we, have enjoyed it. eventhough its been awhile since we did drills but i know,we all felt great deep inside. the cheers as a squad, was overwhelming. oh good times good times.
and so, i wish all e best to e graduating batch for the coming years. though u all are quite of a pain in e ass sometimes, but its great to have u guys as my squadmate who neva fails be lame-,- and to support each other when in need. and to TOs and CIs.. i dont know how to thank you guys but seriously, if it werent for u guys, i dont think i and we would have made it this far. and so...till we meet again..in the future.

nia.

2008-11-21T12:34:00.002+08:00

to my surprise. black coffee actually tastes good.

XD
i sat here infront of my lappy drinking coffee..i browsed thru some old pictures...haha..enjoy..

my eldest darling sister..XD dont we just look alike..

this is not eddited i tell u..haha..took this while i was on the trishaw..XD

me n my roomate in beijing..mimie!!

all of us were addicted to e game murderer..frm the lobby to bus to the plane!..haha no doubt tat this guys will be missed..=)

2e4 class of 2006? haha..i wont exactly say i miss those old times..but yea i miss u people..=)

i like this one..

=)

nia'

2008-11-18T20:47:00.002+08:00

the word is D E P R E S S E D.

i just feel like blocking these people.
these few specific people.
delete them.
msn n fon.

i dont know how many time i've said this but i am going to say this again.
i want to get out of this dot as soon as possible!

i dont want to see or think of these people anymore.
im just sick n tired of thinking.
i even get nightmares.
yes nightmares.
not fairytale dreams.

...

nia'

2008-11-15T12:04:00.002+08:00

oo its after exams now.yet i am still feeling depressed. giler kot. actually, i found out tat my mum doesnt want me to work nw..as in aft olvls...she wants me to accompany her at hm..since im always out..hmm rumah pun rumah la..tapi mungkin ada hikmah nye disebalik semue ni. so ya la i'll just sign on with tat kendarat grp.cey haha..a few more wks to dec..i tink im gonna love my dec..go kg sembelih kambing..mbeeekk!!! den as usual, i'll go KL visit my sister.. i feel like going there on my own..i wanna feel lonely n independant..since i am lonely now so why not be try be independant also..hmmm kalau gtu i shud werk kn...forget it..my heart is also not realli tat open to werking nw...ok la..i malas nk blog lagi...tata

nia'

2008-11-14T14:17:00.000+08:00

wat u thought was e best for ur customers might not be wat the costomers wants.

nia

2008-11-12T18:34:00.001+08:00

is that my problem?

2008-11-10T11:40:00.002+08:00

ok im here to blog about my sunday being kendarat? haha at bukit gombak..
well, i was just replacing my sister in law that day so, i was with my brother.
at home before my ferst kendarat, my brother was telling me get him a drink n blah3..konon2 train la gtu..eleh tk main ah..hahah..den my mother was like teasing me, nnti tangan mengeletar la mcm kakak kau..mum oh puhlisss my arms are trained enufhaha.action ehk..hahah.

ard 11, i reached e location. i was e youngest.and the other were like all married with kids.bt its good cuz i will tink maturely like them too.(tapi perangai kdg2 pn tk ubah seperti bdk kecil.)ahhah..except abg joe..the guy who is constantly thinking one eg."i dont understand why this kuih is watery. shouldnt this be dry? i still dunt get it u now." blah blah blah..i ws like " HAHAHA!"

aniways, i was abit blur n paiseh on what i was gonna do..den this kak say, buat muke selamba je..yup yup yup..

lucky most of them i knal.. ok la tu.

ferst, i was only appointed to clean e tables n take away the plate n fill up e washing jug..den e baskets of goodies due makcik yang bawak..
skali..makcik ni tak kemana, mak minah(kendarat leader) pass e basket to me..i was like er ok...hahha..so if deres a plate not collected, i'll be like one hand with basket and e other with plates...cool or wat.hahah and ya its aching nw..
n gosh..org2 cerewet sia..haha...ok tkpe..i still put a smile on my face..
e berkat was cadbury choc(fruits n nuts/nuts/choc) for adults n oreo for kids.well to me personally both kids n adults love chocs..so i could so those big kid as in pri sch kids giving me tat sad look when i gave them oreo..hahahah!.
(dik2 bleh mintak yang ada almond tk?)..(alamak sorry saya tkde)..(ah awak tlg tanya kan la yg lagi satu tu ade ke tak)..(kak nab, ade choc yang ada almond tk?)...(ah yang mana? ape bende)..she also blur..hahah..conversation with e tetamu n e kendarat.

ok la..the whole thing to me was a success..and as for me..i am still learning..well from this ive learnt to be cool and dun be kanchiong..ive also leanrt to be jual mahal..wanna noe why..cuz ada abg2 cuci pinggan tried to talk to me..n blah3..like my brader say, thats all standard..haaha.lagipun im dere to do werk not mengatal or aniting.ok la..bt im still frenly n always smiling..den last but nt least ive gt my pay..n whee gd work gd money..haha..im nt gonna tell u hw much i get..bluek! ok la tata.will update soon XD

nia'

2008-11-04T18:02:00.002+08:00

peperikasaan peringkat O sudah hampir sampai ke penghujungnya.
murid2 semuanya pasti tidak sabar untuk mengambil kesempatan ini untuk membuat hal2 yang mereka ingin dan yang dinanti2kan. ada yang ingin kerja...yang ada mahu bersuka ria saja..bagi aku, aku mahu kedua-duanya..kerja utk mendapat pengalaman, bersuka ria kerana sudah penat aku belajar.
kebelakangan ini, sering saja aku dengar rakan2 aku berbual tentang kerja. ini telah membuat aku berfikir, adakah aku masih berfikiran seperti anak keanakan..ataupun aku asyik ingin bergantung dgn orang tua aku kerana aku lah anak bongsu yang sering dikaitkan dengan mewah..bingung aku dibuatnya..tapi yang aku pastu..aku akan menghabiskan cuti panjang ini dengan membuang masa membaca buku2 ilmu pengetahuan, belajar bermain guitar, belajar bermain roller blade, menjenguk kakak ku di KL..dan sudah tentu menghabiskan masa ku di kampung pada hari haji nanti. hmm...aku pun blh belajar masak dari mak aku..kalau bukan sekarang..biler lagi kan..nak jugak aku masakan untuk abah aku..memang susah nk dapat abah aku rasa makanan anak nye..XD

kebelakangan ini, otak aku sering bercelaru. tapi ada jgk yang aku dpt menimba dari masalah2 ini semue. hmm..enggak usah la aku bercerita tentang bab ni..tu tak penting..tapi yang penting ialah keputusan olvl aku pada tahun hadapan..all e best to those waiting for e results ya..=)

nia'

2008-10-27T11:24:00.002+08:00

squeky family with funny characters.
serious relatives with weird people coming around.
humorous relatives will just continue to be as humourous.

and me..im figuring out what is happening around me..

nia'

2008-10-24T19:22:00.002+08:00

aku disini masih menanti.
di hati aku masih mencari.
betapa beratnya menyapa rasa rindu ini.
begitu indahnya pabila kami bersua lagi.

andainya kau disisi ku disaat ini..
ingin ku tatap wajah mu,
merenung matamu dengan seribu erti..

aku sedar cinta ini masih belum berbunga.
aku juga tidak pasti seandainya aku hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan.
tetapi aku tahu,
aku sering merindui mu..
dan kata2mu sering membuat aku tersenyum.

nia'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-10-22T12:53:00.002+08:00

olevels are here..n its gonna be over soon...
will be taking my amath p1 lata..
n am still memorising my geog which is tmr..
grrr..
wat tough luck i hav..
..okk people..

get back to u guys soon..

nia'

2008-10-07T16:25:00.003+08:00

i feel like coughing my throats' out man.
those werds from tat unfaithful classmate of mine was really pissing me off.
especially when this other sickening classmate of mine gave me his fucked up look..i was like wth..uve gt a problem with me? i feel so disgusted wheneva i see him..no wonder im always giving him a cold shoulder.. too bad la he looks like my ex. n gosh..i feel eeky with both..

aniways,im giving up on dnt...im gonna work of my other subjects...and amath shall be it..

and im still finding love.

nia.

2008-09-28T10:15:00.001+08:00

perhaps, i just needed to give in.
and keep my cool.

nia

2008-09-28T09:32:00.003+08:00

a few days ago, i turned 16.
e morning was heartbreaking,
but e evening was great.
well, deep down, my heart was still aching.

and now,
i feel like im being stalked.
i dunno why but i just dun wanna see tis guy or hav any connections with him.
im sorri if i treated u like a piece of crap.
but thats me..
i noe who i dislike.
and those whom i dislike are usually bad guys.

well e fact is,
i dunno wat i want.
e one who i want,
who i tot was e one.
he cant be e one.

well im not suppose to thing about this crap shit feeling of mine now.
but i somewhat cant get this off my chest.
my mums not here.
lucky my sisterin law was understanding.
if she wasnt dere for me,
i'll be crying all night nw.

3more days to raya i tink.
n maebe i noe wats my day gonna be like.
n ya,
olevels is in less den a month.

i hate doing wat i hate to do.
and tats stupid when i hav to do it.

nia.

hari lahir yang penuh suka dan duka.

2008-09-25T15:15:00.003+08:00

untuk pertama kalinya,
dalam usia remaja,
aku sedih di hari ini.
terasa pilu sangat hati ini.
airmata pun tidak malu merebahkan diri.

ucapan selamat hari lahir kamu semua, aku hargai.
hadiah berbagai macam, aku mensyukuri.
dan ini aku ucapakan dari hati, terima kasih.

nia'

2008-09-20T10:17:00.002+08:00

hari-hari ku kini semakin suram.
ribut kesedihan kian membawa ku ke alam rindu.

semangnya aku ini anak manja,
kau harus tahu,
menahan air mata,
menyimpan perasaan yg terpendam ini,
memang susah.

"mak, aku doakan, kau selamat pergi dan selamat pulang dan sentiasa bahagia dengan pilihan yang dikecapi."

nia'

2008-09-10T18:15:00.001+08:00

this life seem so pathetic as i move on.

apakah hati ini tidak pantas untuk memiliki..?

MUST STUDY AIN!

nia'

2008-09-06T21:47:00.001+08:00

i miss u big sister.
i miss u baby izz.
i miss u nana..
i miss u insyirah..
i miss u mun..
gee..
i miss u too brother in law.

most of all i miss kiki!!

nia'

my day?

2008-09-04T20:59:00.003+08:00

each day,
evry secs of my life,
now seems so useless.
anwering one question or two just leads me to another useless moment in a day.
shud hav asked abt the correct subject just now.
n now im led into such big confusion that is bound to only be solved by whom it was taught.
i kept thinking how close the big thing is.
the things thats gona determine my future.
yet,
im still here wasting my time,
sorting out my feelings.
writing down the useless moments ive had.
whats wrong with me.
i rather do something useless than someting useful.
but why?
is it because im lacking of attention?
hmm..
aniwaes..i made an empty trip there just now.
n hell yea i felt even more useless.
aniways,
mum said i was like a cicak.."klepek! klepek!"
a sticking cicak.
well..mepek2 pun mak jgk.
kalau aku tk ketawe pade pekare2 kecil2 ni..macam maner lagi rumah ni nk ceria.
well, my teacher finally noes abt my family...now he knows im the youngest..n the eldest in e family is damn eldest.
he asked abt their occupation..and ok he seem pleased.but i he sounded rather serious abt what i wanna be..

man!

WHAT DO I WANNA BE???

ah crap this i stupid!
baliidatun! baliidatun!!!!!

nia'

2008-08-31T19:45:00.000+08:00

iskandar helmi.

sedap nama tu...

2008-08-30T17:23:00.002+08:00

semakin hari, semakin suntuk.
semakin hari, diriku dilanda masalah.

penat diriku harus menimba ilmu, di dunia yang semakin membinasakan ini.
penat diriku harus melayani, harus menjagai hati orang lain.
kalau hati ibuku sendiri sudah payah untuk aku menjaga, apa lagi menjaga hati orang..

sakit mata ini menahan sebak.
sakit hati ini menahan rindu.
sakit diri ini menahan marah.

adakah kerana itu, hati ini mudah tersentuh?
adakah kerana itu, airmata ini mudah mengalir..?

aku penat.
aku penat melayan telata orang yang membinasakan dunia ini, orang yang meninggi-ninggikan peringkat dunia ilmuan.
aku penat!

sememangnya si anak kecil itu mudah menimba ilmu,
adakah harus untuk kamu meninggikan lagi keperingkatan mereka?

itu bukan mudah.bukan menyenangkan!
malah menyekik darah!
aku penat tau tk!?

AKU PENAT!!!

nia'

check this out.

2008-08-25T22:17:00.003+08:00

haha...ok im getting a lil bit lame aft a depressing day in sch.
wenjie said i look scary just now.when i was depressed.
ya iyalah..damn fucked up with my unstable aftersch time table.
mana nak abes kan dnt..mana nk jaga hati guru..haiz..

well aniways the lame thing is..this picture below..

HAHA!!
my face on the bottle!!!
hahahha
farahd told me once abt the bottle, but i didnt get to see.
and just now.while doing dnt in e design studio, i saw the bottle..
n thank u jolene for lending me ur cam.haha..my useless memory card is useless or im jus noob to the fon...
sheesh..
ok aniways i shall continue on my dnt nw..
grr..
done so many pieces.
what if its wrong?
dam sucky i tell u..
im depressed by tat also.

the unfaithful saturday.

2008-08-23T19:36:00.002+08:00

i was reluctant to leave home before 12.
but i had to for the sake of my results.

despite knowing they've already left.
i just wanted to rush home.
n i went home just to see the room being left empty again.

only god knows the pain im going through.
only god knows how much i miss them.

i missed the time when you told me abt u.
i missed the time when you asked me abt me.
i missed the time when we laugh abt how funny mum kicked her legs.
i missed the time when you drank from ur mum.
i missed the times when we watch the olympics n saw how hilarious and amazing usain bolt was.
i missed the time when we solve the jigsay puzzle.
n most of all,
i missed the times when u called me n run for me evrytime im at e doorstep.

well true enough,
happiness doesnt last.

it will come n go..
over and over again..
and we shall meet again in syawal.amin.

nia'

2008-08-21T21:50:00.004+08:00

love dramas can just be as draggy and irritating.
yea..but i still watch them in e end.
shouting to e televion.its like as if e characters could hear me.
sheesh..
well anyways..i was just browsing thru my sister's digi cam..
n i found this photo..i tink it looks nice..sheesh! haha

2008-08-17T15:08:00.005+08:00

i love fruits. from apples to durians. fruits from kampung to supermarkets. i love them all. fruits are generally high in fiber, water and vitamin C. some people i know dont really like fruits. weird. cuz fruits can reduce the risks of getting illnesses such as cancer and so one. some fruits also helps in getting smooth complexion. but obviously fruits arent the only way out. thats why theres medication and all. like vegetarians. they dont eat meat. but they replace e nutritional values of meat with green leaves and various types of nuts. well, i dont really have a problem with vegetarians or people who doesnt eat fruits maebe its because that is just how their body works, without fruits.

im getting all fruity..yea i know..random post from me.
check it out at e bottom..
that is one of the fruit that i love and tat fruit never fails to drip its juices on me.

2008-08-14T21:28:00.002+08:00

setiap kali aku mendengar lagu ini,
hatiku bagai digegar.
digegar dengan kenangan lalu.
terasa sedih..
terasa pilu..

aku mula merindui yang lepas.
walaupun pahit.
aku tetap merinduinya.

mungkin,
pada waktu itu..
terlalu banyak yang telah ku lalui dalam hidup.
mahupun social ataupun personal.

pelik perasaan ini..

nak kata aku keseorangan sekarang..tidak.
nak kata aku diteman..tkdela gtu menggetarkan.

hmmm

apesal agaknye ehk...
mungkin lagu ini terletak di celah2 lipatan kisah lepas ku..=)

nia'

2008-08-14T18:03:00.001+08:00

my msn is fine nw.

but having known tat i gt a C for my malay is still tormenting.

wats adding to the pain is tat my PROTRACTOR IS GONE!!!

i suspect someone took it. o.O

nia'

2008-08-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

oh shuts!
my msn messenger has gone wild.
to tink again..thank god!
cuz i just needed to be away frm chatting...
gotta study man...

missed.

nia'

2008-08-11T19:03:00.001+08:00

its beating faster den ever.
its twitching unusually than always.

whats happening?
no..
i dun trust this.
bt its inevitable.
gosh..

2008-08-10T21:37:00.004+08:00

sememangnya, perasaan rindu ini mempunyai suatu erti..
aku tidak akan hiraukannya.
malahan,
aku juga tidak akan melarikan diri darinya...

sememangnya, perasaan ini adalah cinta..
aku akan mendiam diri..
kerna aku takut ia tidak akan menjadi realiti..

i wonder how stressing and lonely my september will be.
but, if thats for our good sake..i dont mind the challenge.
"Selagi daya hatiku ini

akan tetap ku menyayangi

duka tiada ku peduli

bila rindu membelenggu"

nia'

2008-08-10T07:06:00.000+08:00

sheesh!
can i just fly off to KL n hug my nieces n nephew?

no.

nia'

hate.

2008-08-08T21:24:00.002+08:00

i hate it when u touch me.
i hate it when u dun respect me.
well at least respect my belongings.
i hate it when u put words into my mouth.
i hate it when u assume too much abt me.
i hate it when u ask.
i hate it when u just grab it.
i hate it when u crossed me.
i hate it when u keep on telling me.
i hate it when u put me in a spot.
i hate it when u make me wait for no damn reason.
i hate it when u dunt seem to understand me even if i use simple eng.
i hate it if u dun listen to me.
i hate being questioned abt my personal stuff.
i hate pple intruding my personal space.
i hate it when u dont ask wat i want.
i hate it when u leave me.
i hate to be sad.
i hate to be hated.
i hate the feeling of lost.
i hate missing someone.
i hate myself for hating u tat much.

im sorry.
i hate too much.

nia'

marks.

2008-08-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

the painful yet exciting volleyball game had left marks on the strong right hand..cey..

the avengeful past had left behind a mark of misery till today..

the birthmark i had since i was a baby is still with me now..yea..hmm duh?

the ugly marks or shud i say scores on my reports card is still there..unless i liquid them away..XD

MARKS..

hot stuff called me just now. XD

nia'

so not..

2008-08-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

ur attempt to imitate my giggles and laughs was a fiasco.
so drop the idea to do so.
as it might sound uglier.

a lady was waiting for hot stuff.
and that was tormenting for me.

haha..
sheesh....
i feel so pathetic.

i nid love.
but im just out of love now.

nia'

absence.

2008-07-30T10:52:00.003+08:00

being absent on such days can be tormenting.
especially for someone who doesnt skip sch or doesnt take mc for e slightest injury.

oh dang!
i tot she said its healed..
bt hw come it hurts now.

purr....
nia'

cintamu yang tak berhasil.

2008-07-28T20:45:00.003+08:00

maaf, andainya aku tidak dapat menerima mu.
maaf, jikalau aku sering terkasar bahasa.
maaf, sekiranya engkau menderita.

aku mepunyai alasan.
seribu alasan.
untuk tidak menerima mu.

aku tidak mencintai mu.
tapi aku tidak membenci kamu.
aku tidak.

kenangan pahit bercampur manis,
kedua-duanya masih segar di ingatan.
aku tidak pernah lupa ketawa senda bersama.
tetapi kenangan pahit itu memang amat aku membenci.
tapi apa dayanya, ia masih menikam ku di jiwa..

adakah kenangan itu alasan aku untuk tidak dapat menerima percintaan mu.
ataupun,
memang tidak ada jodoh di antara kita.
sekiranya aku tidak memberi perhatian pada perjanjianmu,
mengapa kau masih mengejarkan ku?
apa, engkau tak mengerti bahawa aku memang tidak mencintai mu dan tidak dapat menerima cinta mu?
apa, engkau fikir aku sengaja menjauhkan diri dari mu?

oh god!

ur always calling me on the wrong time.
ur always intruding my personal space.
this is not the ferst time.
so stop thinking im getting rid of u if i dun entertain u.
ah perhaps i just dun bother.

ya ampun!

forget me ok..
just forget me...

nia'

the eye incident 23 july 2008.

2008-07-26T12:35:00.003+08:00

the eye incident was excruciating.
like what we learn in physics,
the smaller the area, the bigger the pressure.
and yes,
the pressure was unbearable.
an ant sized acrylic dust could make ur eyes all teary and red.
i could feel it scratching the sclera of my eye.
and it has left a mark on my eyeball.

i thank the saviours of my eye for making a difference in my life.
i should be thankful that my corneal wasnt affected or i would be blind for life.
even if i could get a transplant, it would take year or more to get a donor.
i thank my parent for being there,
though, i wasnt really motivated at first.

well,
its recovering now.
and, i will make sure i'll take good care of it.
n most of all,
wear goggles while doing those dusty dnt stuff.

nia'

2008-07-19T13:30:00.002+08:00

i was taken aback by the truth.

and, it kind of bothered me.

nia'

melancholy.

2008-07-17T21:18:00.005+08:00

ya ampun!

my baby lg fell sick this morning.

and shes still not feeling any better now.

she keeps talking in her sleep but didnt wake up.

shes always partially awake.

its depressing you know.

i feel so useless.

i went to school walking like an idiot trying to revive my handphone.

i took my dad's extra phone which im so totally noob with n took it to sch just to find out that its dead.

i was being obscured during dnt just now.

i forgot that e posy resin and e harderner was both transparent.

and i told the technician e kids mixed up the labels.

baliidatun!

technician pun ikutkan saja.

it took me a few minutes to realise that evrything was actually what it should be.

i have this hatred feeling towards some issues that is not going in my way.

well, ive got no choice but to jus calm myself down.

nia'

wow!

2008-07-13T19:39:00.004+08:00

haha..
hot sia the new tutor.
hes just so hot that i wanna bake cookies on him.
indon chi if im nt mistaken.
he saw my "stuck" look.
as in stuck in a question.
paiseh sia.
he said i was malas.
haha
well tats e fact
well i dunno why im smiling till now.
he made my day.
but oh well..
amath tution, yet i was thinking abt eng hmwk....

nia'

2008-07-11T18:41:00.001+08:00

oh dear.

i thought u were my friend.

whom will hear me through my happiness n sorrow.

accompany me through my sleepless nights.

but why.

does only books amuse u?

mummy..

im bored talking to the air all the time.

i might get crazy.

well i already am now.

nia'

2008-06-11T12:10:00.002+08:00

ooo wee guess wat*(sarcastic tone)
e worshop is open frm 10 onwards.
ok ie wasted my trip shud hav gone in..
but i couldnt start my work bcuz i have not let cher see my work.
grrrrrrr.!!!!
baliidatun!
baliidatun!!

2008-06-11T10:27:00.002+08:00

again another empty trip ive made.
im very disappointed..frustrated
dang!
everythings not goin in my way.....
i cant sit at home cuz i'll rot
i cant study at home cause i cant stdy in this environment and i cant stdy in e day at home..
im fussy
i noe.
i wanna go out.
wait
i wanna go out of singapore
just relax.
well at least for Awhile.
well ok yea im suppose to revise my work..
but gosh im so dead lifeless.
ive gt no mood.
im always thinking abt dnt.
n nothings werking out rite.
well nothing is right.
pathetically nothing.
i have less idea wat the journal is all about..
im like wondering when can i ever start my product..
im so doomed.
gosh
ive been doing math math math.
all kinds of math
well little did i learn.
actualli..ive found great tips frm my fren tat could be of a good use.
ok i did learnt sumting.
am i not realising someting yet?
huh?
am i not?
am i not realising tat someting major is coming near?
ah dang!
i gotta go..

nia'

2008-06-09T22:40:00.003+08:00

i think we should always get our minds working.
which means we should always think.
even for the slightest issue that we're facing or see.
we should always understand what the other party is talking about.
perhaps not in just one example but from different parts of the converstion or messages received.
this is cue seeking.
with this skill, we're always problem solving.
well i admit i am pretty lazy in thinking,but cmon..
we're all getting old day by day..
we must start thinking.
you cant just blow up for the slightest misunderstanding you made.
sometimes its irritating.
well this type of things never stops me from saying a string of vulgarities.
which is a bad thing.
oh well.
sometimes people just need to think before acting.

nia'

2008-06-06T18:21:00.002+08:00

what's in my mine.

im thinking..
e pictures i take of people and things to me i tink its nice.
but why..why cant anybody take a nice pic of me?
does it hav anytin to do with skills
or
is it jus me..
my looks...
my handphone is i can say full of my frens pictures.
well im not surprised..
neither am i mad..
im jus wondering..
is it jus so hard for someone to take a nice pic of me?
well so far..
onli one person could take gd pics for me.
guess who..
hes my ex..
hes also an art student.
so does this show u need skills.?
well its up to u to figure it out.
in my opinion,
taking good pictures needs originality,skills..
sometimes candid pictures r e best.
i wont say my skills r good.
but its jus hw i feel..
well tats wat blogging is all abt rite..
feelings..
haha ya ya n other stuffs too..
ok la i gtg tata

nia'

2008-06-01T14:43:00.002+08:00

i feel so reluctant.
im never like this when theyre goin back.
why?
do i feel greater bonding with them?
or i just dont wanna be lonely without them.
many things and events hav gone by.
and soon i'll be sitting for my olvls.
im feeling much better than yesterday after eating e medicine my sis gave me.
but im still so reluctant to go for my tution lata.in 15mins time.
this is torturing.
ive neva felt so much pain when im sick.
perhaps there wasnt any attention
or
there were too much until im so emotionally affected.
unlike one of my ex..
my guys kips on smsin me askin hw im feeling
im touched but it sumtimes gets on me nervesss
i shud be grateful..
like i said one unlike one of my ex
who doesnt even care
oh hes my recent one.
thank god my sis is gd with medicines.
without her i tink i will be wasting money goin to the doc.
which gives me e same old meds n which takes a longer time to recover n along e way some sufferings here n dere.

i miss them so so much eventhough its jus a few mins ago tat they left.

nia'

sorry babes..

2008-05-30T21:57:00.004+08:00

hey babes..

sorry for not updating my blog..

been busy lately..

im havin a slight fever now.
37.61
yea slight fever.

grr

so irritating..well aniwaes i wont dissapoint u gals..

so i will hav a short write up abt my ex..

im sure u guys can guess who..

ex: hei! guess wad. i kind ov bump into the ring u gv me durin our tyme togethr.. haha. n im lyk wearin it nw.

me:oh i guess ur ***.oh well **** nmpak aru tau

ex:haha..its just a ring lah dei. um btw did she go to sch tad?

me:yea.

ex:ouh..cn u do me a fav!

me:c 1st..so wats it abt?

ex:um i kind ov mish her.alot.bt heres e ting. i cnt contact her cuz her batt died n her charger spoilt.so cn u tell her tat i mish her so much.

me:sori cnt..im nt a messenger

ex:lah.ur nt a messenger.ure my fwen.bt lau tkle tkpe.

me: ya cnt help.

(names are censored due to sensitiveness of some pple) haha lame..

aniwaes.

i find it silly..

ya he take me as a fren.BUT only when hes in need.

aniwaes..why is he tellin me all this.

wel i dun nid to noe he misses her evnthough it due to some communication brkdown..

well i dun even talk to his gal..so wats makes him tink i wanna help him say all this mushy things.

surprisingly he remembers my num..

but cnt blame him..my num is too easy..

bt dang! wats wif the ring..it has our name..

silly asshole.

lmao..

dude..just say it u missed me..hahahah!!

i noe i prasan...haha..but heck..i dun nid him even as a fren.

ok farah..ive updated my blog..haha..sori la i tk ltak cbox kat sini..mls nk cari..

nia'

2008-05-15T20:02:00.002+08:00

sayang sayang pun kadang-kadang boleh jadi benci.

bak kata pepatah orang puteh" your best friend is your worst enemy."

well, it doesnt only apply to friends actually.

but also to our dear boifrens and galfrens.

but e good thing is..if ur guy is gd n ada hati perut semestinya dia tak akan blackmail awak walau brape byk pun korang benci membenci.

Tetapi..kita sebagai manusia yang menumpang di salah satu kepunyaan allah..semestinya kita harus saling mengampuni kerana allah maha pengampun lagi maha penyayang.

jikalau rasul dapat mengampun dan menerima umatnya kenapa tidak kita?

sebagai manusia, memang secara natural perasaan dendam dan marah itu ada..tetapi adakah itu harus bertahan lama? ataupun kita biarkan perkara itu tergantung begitu sahaja.

one of my close frens told me.."kalau org itu give in n wants ur forgiveness n nt settling things n nt getting e facts, so wats e point"...well..that makes sense..cuz i totally agree to tat..apa gunanya berbaik semula jika masalah masih tergantung..perhaps some people jus wanna give in n let bygones be bygones..its up to e individual actualli..we all hav our strength and weaknesses n we all have our different ways of thinking...

so kesimpulannya...before you do anything, please think twice cuz u might regret consequences.ya cant away from problems cuz everything in life nids a solution n choices.

ya pick the correct one..go on move to the next...dun dwell to much on wat tats has been nth..cuz it aint gonna benefit u tat much..ape2...write down ur problems n solutions in point for kat paper...a3 ke a4 ke ape2 la...it works..

tata.

nia'

damsel nia'

2008-05-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

ive gotta stdy.

ive gotta score.

paper cert is not enuff.

i must work for more.

i need courage.

i need strength.

i need wisdom.

i need love.

i follow the path.

i seek the truth.

and there i am waiting to be true.

it just make no sense.

i know.

why?

because im sleepy.

my eyes are barely open typing this.

cool huh?

haha

nia'